Annoying as Hell

Statements of the obvious stuff people say but don't mean. Feel free to add to the list....

1) Not to mention: Always means,"I'm about to mention..."

2) If it makes you feel any better: Always followed by something that's not going to make you feel any better.

3) You know what's funny: Nothing funny is about to be said.

4) I'm not judging: Here comes judgment.

5) Can I ask you a question: Clearly you can. Just ask.

6) What are you doing (now or some future date): Commit to availability before I ask you to do something crappy.

7) Not that it matters: It actually matters to some (probably large) extent or I wouldn't have mentioned it.

8) At the end of the day: I'm not talking about tonight.

9a) I was like: I was literally
9b) I was literally: I was like

10) Arguably: Opposing arguments not actually conceivable.

11) Ironically: I'm probably not going to say anything that's actually ironic, just something shitty.

12) How's it going: I don't actually care about how it's going, just say good and let me get on.

13) Guess what: Don't bother guessing I'm going to tell you.

14) You know what: Of course I don't, you didn't precede that with anything that would provide a clue.

15) Got a minute: I need a captive audience. Sixty seconds will not be nearly enough for the diatribe I'm about to subject you to

16) Freedom of religion: Not religions that run contrary to mine.

17) Not trying to toot my own horn: Let me tell you about what I did so you can praise my name.

18) ...as hell?

Qualifications for stating that?

19) I know right?