The Book of Secrets

I am walking down Mill Avenue.
Northbound.

It's a busy night, crowded.

College students in their prime.
Young and beautiful.
Out for a night on the town.

I see him.
A random stranger, a young man, alone.

"For $5 I'll show you a magic trick that I can guarantee you've never seen before." I say.

It takes some internal process or convincing, I can tell, but reluctantly, he agrees. 
He extends to me $5.

I decline and tell him to wait until after the magic happens to see if he felt it was worth his money.

As he watches, slowly, deliberately,  I pull out two knives. After I open them and show him they are real I put them up to my wrists.

In one swift movement I slam them both through my wrists at the same time and then show him each wrist to examine them for himself.

Handle on one side, blades on the other and yet no blood.

Unphased, unimpressed, he smugly tells me

That's not magic and in fact I have seen that before.

As he speaks,  I remove the knives from my wrists, blood begins flow mercilessly.

I respond.

You should wait before you speak.
That wasn't the end, that's wasn't the magic.
The real magic is happening right now
what you've never seen before, and what no one sees except me, is my whole life disappearing before your very eyes.

Stunned and staring now he looks at me.
Without a word, I begin to walk away from him, calmly.
Northbound still, unphased, unaffected and still without that five dollars.

Blood flowing freely from my wrists, calmly I walk.
Blood marking the path behind me, on either side of me.

A few people notice...
but no one stops me...
They stare.
They talk.
But that's it.

And the dream ends.
Night after night.

Over and over...