Speak My Language

I'm yours, 100%. 

I'm all in.

I need to be. 

All in or all out, but I need one.

I can't go day by day. 

I can understand why you need to, but I need to know what's coming, as a baseline for living my life. 

So I'm telling you, I'm yours.

I will try make sure that I no longer see my vision of happiness as somehow the obligation of others to fulfill. 

That becomes about me, not us. 

I will try my best not to let that become a source of discouragement to me in our relationship. Certainly not to point of frustration I've felt in the past. 

I can't be angry anymore.

I can't fight anymore.

Honestly I'm not sure what it is I can be or do  anymore.

There's nothing you don't know about me, in as much as I know about myself. But now I'm fully exposed, mentally naked before you. 

All day every day.

That is trust.

But you feel to me like you're holding back emotionally, physically. It is a wedge between us.

My fear is beggining to overcome my trust, again, which makes the divide between us feel unpassable from my end. 

I have nothing more to contribute. 

I have always given everything I had toward making you happy, but I realize I can truly never make anyone happy by trying to earn their approval. 

That's not love. 

I can't continue to extend my hand to feel like it's being slapped back. Or the trust involved with reminding you that I'm still here, and waiting for you. 

For us.

I want you. 

Fully. 

I know I can't ask that in fairness, and so I have waited. 

Wondering if it demeans the gift and tires the listener the requests for what should be a gift given without prompting more than occasionally, and not something to use as a measuring device for some sort of validation and an extension of my own insecurities. 

That's conditional love, so it's not love at all at that point.

I love you and I'm certainly not my best around you. I don't know that I ever have been. I'd like to know what that feels like but that feels a very long way away.

For some reason I have always felt a need to be a part of someone else. Someone I could count on. I never found my fit until I met you. 

I'm all in.

That said, I really need some understanding of what you see as being your part in where we're at if I'm ever to put that to rest. 

I need to hear apologies if you feel they are warranted. I need to know you care because you want to be a part of me, and I need you to know that I'm doing my best to be my part for you...but I'm drowning.

You're keeping me off the life raft.

I need to feel your touch, because that's what you desire not what I have worn you down into doing as a concession and under duress / obligation. I don't want that anymore.

It's depressing and demeaning.

I want you as much as I need you, and I know you've told me your need for me is the factor in staying at times when you'd rather have left. I don't want that either.

Don't let money be the deciding factor that you're with me.

Our window to pursue a happiness in a way that's  rapidly fading away is closing. So if I can't be your guy, you should find someone that is. I need to know, know, that I'm your guy.

I'm glad to be needed, but I need to feel wanted.

I've been an ass, but I don't think I'm that guy anymore. I feel like some asshole came in fucked 30years of my life and left me with products of my own destruction to clean up.

I will wait until there is no more need to wait.