View Askew

It seems contradictory to tell one's self they are worthy of love. Isn't he whole nature of loving and being loved contradictory to the notion of bestowing and receiving love based on ones worthiness?

Whenever I've been given this advice from my professional friends ( aka therapists) I just can't seem to fathom the concept of it.Yet I am told to repeat that mantra.

Why? 

I am only myself. If I am loved the assessment of my worthiness really has little to nothing to with it.

Am I wrong? Is my view askew? What am I missing here?

-namasdave

Speak My Language

What is there to do when the one you desire has made it clear they don't feel the same?

I suppose the best I can do is be myself and even if I knew what that meant, history has shown that is always too much, or not enough, whatever it is, it's not working and it never has.

To be spoken to in one's native language must be a lovely thing indeed.

Meme, Myself, and Aye

By my naivety or ignorance but never willingly, my greatest regret is that I've only ever been able to be myself, for I am both too much and not enough all at once, and I have been told outright on many an occasion. So that I am never in the position to be the person I am not (but would love to have been) and thus receive what I have always most desperately desire, in the moments I desire it most.

I feel bound to adhere to my long history of willingly choosing hopelessness over hope, in order to avoid facing the disappointment and result of who I feel I am in reality to those closest to me.

A word to the wise.... Avoid me, for I am not who you imagine me to be. I am far worse than you could possibly imagine, silently if not out loud.

I don't need to feel better, I just need to feel nothing. 

I don't know how else to cope.

-namasdave

Anti Matter

The more I tell myself it shouldn't matter, and it doesn't matter, the more I realize that deep down it really does matter, to me at least. What else can I say when in the grand scheme it's just me and my feelings that really don't matter. At least it doesn't seem to affect anything.

What I do, I do for myself.

That's what I was told.

So where am I in all of this?

To have a healthy appetite without me on the menu? 

To be declared unattractive.

To be told that I am the one because that's the only real option.

To be told perhaps I was never really attractive.

To know that simple mechanics can accomplish what I am not allowed or afforded.

So then, what am I anymore?