By my naivety or ignorance but never willingly, my greatest regret is that I've only ever been able to be myself, for I am both too much and not enough all at once, and I have been told outright on many an occasion. So that I am never in the position to be the person I am not (but would love to have been) and thus receive what I have always most desperately desire, in the moments I desire it most.
I feel bound to adhere to my long history of willingly choosing hopelessness over hope, in order to avoid facing the disappointment and result of who I feel I am in reality to those closest to me.
A word to the wise.... Avoid me, for I am not who you imagine me to be. I am far worse than you could possibly imagine, silently if not out loud.
I don't need to feel better, I just need to feel nothing.
I don't know how else to cope.
-namasdave
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You know you want to, so say it already...no one's going to be offended.