Seventeen Ounces

I've seen and been through some stuff in my day, therapy played a part in helping me to at least get out from under what I couldn't get over.

To me, the most helpful aspect of therapy over the years wasn't the so much the good advice as much as the normalization of my own perspectives, and knowing that I wasn't alone in my personal brand of insanity.

I suppose for most people those would simply be called friends, and not paid professionals, but I don't understand most people and they don't seem to understand me.

It's confusing and frustrating most often, for both of us.

My oarents were no exception and it's been no great boost to my self esteem or sense of personal security to experience the comfort level of honesty people seem to feel when they tell me about myself from the outside view.

In many ways, on many levels even my best qualities aren't what I would consider to be good, although they have that potential. I am the sort of person that's much easier to endure in small doses here, than in every part of the process that gets me here...I know this much about myself, and I've come to accept it.

Honestly over the course of my life, I haven't known many (if any) people that are like me... I would say I haven't known any but given my inherent survival technique / ability of living in the here and now alone, and forgetting so much that is  behind me, I suppose I can't say for sure that I haven't.

I'm never quite sure what to make of those rare people who occassionaly seem to understand or relate to me on some level or another. Do I embrace them or run from them for being like me?

In that uncertainty I've found it best to reserve the judgement I would wish to be withheld to just let people be what they are and then let them see me for what I am.

History always repeats however, so I know that inevitably, eventually, one of us will leave if only in the interest of self preservation.
It simply is what it is.

But, if there's one us there must be many more, somewhere. Therapy and observation have shown me that much.

Perhaps one day we will find each other and learn what normal must feel like to everyone else.

Until then, you'll have a blog to read right here.

Solo Cristo Salva
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