Sofa King Tired

I'm tired

Tired of being me

Tired of being confused

Tired of never knowing what I'm supposed to do

Tired of not knowing what it all means or 

where I'm supposed to fit in, in all of this chaos.

Tired of not belonging

Of feeling needed more than wanted

Tired of feeling like I'm the bad guy in every story

Tired of being the one who's always just fucked up

I'm tired

and mostly I'm tired of being lonely

Having no one to reach out to me like they wanted me as much as I want them.

Tired of never having been enough

Tired of knowing at this point, I probably never will be

All I want is to feel immersed in love and acceptance

To feel like someone believes in me

That maybe it's not too late to do something

That must be a wonderful feeling 

I didn't my know how will all end

But eventually all good things and otherwise will inevitably end

And life will simply be what I did before I died.

I'm more scared and depressed than anyone can imagine

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing anymore, except that it's the one thing  I can do to slow downward spiral of my thoughts.