The Breakfast Pinata

Throughout all of my growing up years and we'll into my adulthood most of my conversations or social interactions with other people have occurred with one of two thoughts in the back of my mind. Often these two thoughts occur simultaneously:

1. I don't get it.
2. You don't get it.

ALWAYS, one or both of these two things is lurking in the background.

The difference now being that the certainty only youth affords us has left me along with my youth and I have been forced to entertain the notion that perhaps so many people making sense of things, that I don't think I ever could, might mean that I am actually more the problem than the solution. It's depressing bordering on hopeless really.

Facebook has brought this to light for me as well as I've been considering the motives at the outset for having a Facebook account and what it inevitably turns into for many people.

It's an artificial world with the perfect blend of exhibitionists and voyeurs, each having the opportunity to exchange positions at will.

This much I know: Public forums draw public criticism. That's to be expected and so my posts are my attempt to be insightful on higher plane than mere issues of the day with the hope of being clever at the same time if I can.

But I'm a pretty insecure sort of fellow anyway,  add to that my certain peculiarities both psychological and physiological and the world is a pretty confusing place.

Having been so misunderstood for so long though I find that often I post certain things and immediately remove them for fear of putting too much fresh meat within reach of social carnivores,  and consequently setting myself up as a main course.

Of course as far as my face book statuses are concerned, I have to admit I do enjoy it when people not only enjoy them but when they also seem to "get it" because Facebook posts like most social interactions (consciously or not) are a means of validation and approval.

Being insecure (as I am) often I'll take what I can get where I can get it. It makes me feel a little more secure, but only on the surface.

Deep down it really only feeds the insecurity. It's kind of like eating candy for every meal.

As far as the certainty of youth being as fleeting as youth itself, the flip side of the coin for me at least is that as certainty has left it has been replaced with a certain self security I never had a a youth.

Both afford certain but very different freedoms.

Well, not only has my Adderall worn off and allowed the over thinking ADHD me to be revealed, but it's late at night and that's when most of my over analytical thought processes kick in.

Maybe I'll live to see tomorrow.
Who knows?

Solo Cristo Salva
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