Idiotique

The great irony of depression/ deep pain is that those times that you would probably benefit most from talking to someone are also the times you feel least like talking to anyone.
It's cyclical, a downward spiral.
Reaching out means mailing yourself vulnerable on a level that is easily violated by anyone lacking empathy even with the best of intentions.
Alone in a crowd, you look for people, who might be looking back. Any sort of hint or clue,  anyone who might understand, but how would you ever know if you found them since neither of you would say a word without that certainty.
Confiding in strangers may help for a time, and I have found that there can be a great comfort and bond with those who may share a mutual affliction, but there is far less often resolution.
So there you are stranded on a beautiful tropical island with plenty of sunshine and fish abounding. Paradise to anyone else, but you are the albino allergic to fish.
You don't need sunshine, you need shelter.
You need someone who's already been where you're at, come out the other side, to help you find your way.
That's not easy.
Find someone who can be silent and still without judgement or the need to fix you. Find someone who will listen, and that is the first step in finding someone to whom you should probably listen.