CPTSD, ADHD, Clinical Depression, Anxiety, and the logic of my thinking. All of these things and more are often the source of my overthinking and then (prior to getting on the right combination of many medications) comes the downward spiral.
I couldn't agree with you more, I am rich in love, and it's the only reason I continue on. The people in my life have been a great support.
This year has been the most difficult year I've EVER faced, and I've had some tough years.
The impetus for all of this originated from an imbalance of enzymes, or whatever from my pancreas, liver and kidneys.
Once that got sorted I could begin to work my way through the many ugly realizations about who I am and who I've been to myself and as a result the people around me.
Insecurities, fear, and so many other things controlling me.
I grew up and have lived most of my life in fight or flight mode. Originally as a defense from an abusive upbringing, and then simply because it was the only way of living I knew.
All that said, without the type of love a kid needs, I've been forced to make decisions based on skewed thinking.
Fortunately my wife, whom I've been with 30 years has stuck by my side, and my family has extended grace to me beyond measure.
I have always felt unworthy and because I didn't really know understand what real love was supposed to look like when it was extended to me.
Like trying to pet a feral animal.
My biggest hurdle, like most people I imagine, is myself, but I'm working on it and progressing rapidly, which is great because I don't have the energy to keep fighting some days.
Thank you however for your kind words. You're right. I also post this stuff because I know if I'm going through it, there probably many others experiencing their own version of my issues as well. We may feel alone, but we can be alone together, and that ain't nothing.
-nasdave
