underwhelmed
at the depth of me
I am so easily lost
through silent words
and motionless gestures
with each wave I'm tossed
it is release I seek
from the maze
of my private thoughts.
my contribution meger
secretly
I put aside my dish
as meal after meal
set before me
more than I might wish
At first there is panic.
Then fear.
You watch, staring
Entranced knowing that your dreaded destiny is rising to meet you.
You start to realize that there is no fight, no possible recourse and so you begin, in your mind, to become resigned to your fate.
Then suddenly without any apparent reason, something unexpected.
Something so grand it's almost magical happens before your very eyes.
As you watch your fears recede.
In that moment, every preceeding feeling about your future is flushed away with a great sense of relief.
As the waters begin to recede and swirl the point of no return is crossed and you realize there is hope for the future you felt was so bleak.
Hooray!
There will be no plunging tonight.
Good night.
Good night in deed!
If wishes were fishes no one would ever go hungry. So you see, it isn't always the thought that counts.
I don't actually understand it myself, so I won't pretend to know why it happens, or try to convince you about what happens afterward, but for some reason we are here.
If we are here first, or only here ever, is an answer that you alone must decide, make peace with that and be certain enough of to live and die in it without regret.
It is a journey of sorts. More of a process than a product and all that beautifully glorious, horrifically tragic, mundane shit that we all experience before we die, well we call that life.
Life is for living.
Enjoy it while you can
Endure it when you must.
However short or long it may seem, in this brief moment, it will always be too short for someone and too long for someone else. We all get the same in the end, a lifetime.
In the big picture though it is as it should be, exactly the length it is and no more and who are we to say otherwise?
Whatever it may consist of in length, it is very brief in the grand scheme. Perhaps it is brief so the end will be visible from the beginning. Perhaps it is to make it more than simply endurable, but enjoyable as well.
The end looms larger as we approach it but we also gain the advantage of hindsight and perspective as we approach it.
I have come to find that a great deal of life ultimately means very little, but that there is a very little bit of it that in fact means a great deal more than we care to consider sometimes.
We are given life to live it.
This too shall pass.
It ours alone... but it somehow takes on greater significance when we realize that we are not at all alone in our humanity. That our lives and the choices we make can and will impact the lives of others we may barely or not even know and for far longer than we will ever live to see.
Yet, as mysterious as each of our lives are we can at times hold very little regard for the value of our own or those of others. We manage to live in denial about our ultimate fates, until we are forced to face them. Until one day when one of those lives intersecting our own is abruptly removed and a void in their absence is left.
A void that will never quite be fully filled.
Like hearing a noise for so long that it becomes as silence to us over time, only after its source is permanently removed do we begin to realize what a beautiful sound it was after all.
Whatever the reason, the purpose, the meaning, the significance, we are here.
We are small to be sure.
Our existence perhaps barely noticible.
It is true, we are only one of millions, billions in fact.
But we are not insignificant...
...or so the prophets of truths and the tellers of stories would have us believe.
Whatever you may believe, whether by default or design, we are somehow here, and it seems that at the heart of most matters it is the heart that matters most if we are to have a life worth living.
Be good to yourselves, more importantly, be good to each other.
Solo Cristo Salva
d (-_-) b
