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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Another Dream Date

We were dressed to the nines, as people should be when attending a fashion show.

It looked to be a spectacular turn out and as the limo stopped the door was opened.
We exited.

She first and then I.
I had imagined us walking together but she instead, walked ahead and I two paces behind.

Basquing in the lime lite of phtotgraphers, journalists and autograph seekers she took it all in as though she were born for it.
I however wasn't nearly as enthusiatic for all the fanfare and attention, so I tried not to think too much about walking behind instead of side by side, considering that it might have been the better of the options in a certain sense.

When we finally escaped the mayhem of the crowd and got inside we were lead to a prominently positioned and elegantly decorated table at the front of the room right next to the catwalk.

Of course, she was seated first as protocol would dictate, or so I thought. 
As it it turned out she was seated only, while I was whisked away to what seemed to be a green room back stage without a word from her.
It was obvious that my presence would not be missed nor was it expected, as though this were an intentional and normal course of events.

I have to admit that I was confused at first, being seated alone in such a small dank room.
A few minutes later though another gentleman was also lead into the room as well to share what would seem to become our cell over the course of our evening.
So I assumed something I was unaware if was being played out.
This is so often the case in my life I hardly thought anything of it and took it at face value.

So we waited for a while, this odd man and I both of us in our tuxedos.
The room seemed to grow hotter, more humid and somehow seemed to be closing in on us little by little.

After a little small talk and a lot of awkward silence I began to wonder what was going on that warranted us being back there.

To the other man's mild protest, which I easily disregarded, I opened the door to see if anyone was around that I could ask.
Someone who might know what was going on and might let me in on this grand secret plan that had kept the two of us cooped up.

I managed to catch the eye of the man who had originally lead us both into the room.
As he tried to shush me back into the sweat box, I managed to inquire about or situation. I was simply told that we would be sent for at the appropriate time and would be directed to where we should go from there.

The answer sufficed for now, I supposed.
I was pacified for a while at least and assuming then that there was in deed a plan I continued my wait, patiently...
...at first.

But then...
20 minutes...
   30 minutes...
      40 minutes...
          ...and still    
nothing.

As the room seemed to grow hotter still I grabbed one of the room temperature waters that looked like it had been left from some previous event long ago and opened it.
The dusty bottles of water were clearly not intentionally left behind or even meant for us specifically but I didn't care.
It was hot and I was thirsty.
I had also arrived hungry knowing there would be culinary delights awaiting us. By now I could smell the food we weren't eating that I imagined everyone else was enjoying in, if not good company certainly plenty of it.
I figured a water was about the least of the accomodations they should afford us at this point.

As I drank I began to take off my tuxedo, piece by piece.
Drenched in sweat by that point I looked like hell and felt almost as bad.
Both actions were vocally and urgently protested with by the previously timid man who was my fellow prisoner it seemed by this point.
But I had no regard for the consequences he seemed to fear so desperatley.

I continued to drink the water and disrobe. I gave no thought (and probably wouldn't have cared at all if I had) about what anyone might think or do as a result of my actions spurned by extreme discomfort and growing impatience.

At about the one hour mark I had completely removed my tuxedo and somehow managed to find myself in a tee shirt and a pair of khakis. Both neatly pressed.

A very full 90 minutes after having been led to our cell our que came.
Finally the plan would be revealed.

As we were escorted out, I could hear the roar of the applause signifying that the show that was ongoing while were removed, was by this time clearly over. So much for my first fashion show.

I was ushered onto the stage where she was standing in the spotlight.
I looked at her for a moment, before going out from the wings to join her as directed.

There she was,  radiant, emotionally adrift on a sea of admiration.
It seemed to be a glorious moment for her and she was glowing with pride.
Both of us unaware that I was about to end all that glory simply by my presence.

As I finally stepped out onto the stage to be by her side for the first time all evening, without warning,  immediatley the mood of the room changed and the audience began to protest my presence with booing and yelling eventually throwing things at me.

I was at a loss for what I had done to incur this hatred... swayed by opinion perhaps,  I don't know, but she was clearly incensed and scorned me as well.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Nothing Ends That Was Already Over

There was not they
It was only us
There was no I
Only we existed

We were young
Life smiled on us
Endless with optimism
When it did not
We cared not

Until we grew tired
When who we were
Stopped to rest
And never got up

What we became
Continued without us
Eventually becoming lost
And there was not even us

Less and less there was we
Until we no longer existed
Simply they
But it was only I

An I for an I
And I alone
Will bear the weight
Of the damages done

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Courtesy Code of the Poor

"It’s like a code, you know, a code of courtesy…because if the poor aren’t decent to one another nobody else is going to be.”
- Charles Bukowski (Factotum)

The Chilly Penguins of Chile's Penguin Chili

On the way to school this morning: 

ME: "You know there are penguins in Chile right?" 

BLYTHE: "Yes" 

ME: " I wonder what penguin chili tastes like."

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The thought of sitting in front of a man behind a desk and telling him that I wanted a job, that I was qualified for a job, was too much for me. Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn’t have you by the throat.
- Charles Bukowski (Factotum)

It Is Good

The novelist does not long to see the lion eat grass. He realizes that one and the same God created the wolf and the lamb, then smiled, “seeing that his work was good.” —Andre Gide

How ironic it is that when we no longer feel the urgency or the desire to live our own lives because they've worn us out, we turn to the lives of others and how they choose to live them as our entertainment.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Gravity of the Situation

When you're considering which direction to push me... Consider that an object in motion tends to stay in motion.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Ultimate Irony

The ultimate irony: Deciding that you won't procrastinate right now.

Typomotion: Greg Laswell - The One I Love: http://youtu.be/jdLp8tQ5_ps
DEAR ROUGE LIVE - I Heard I Had: http://youtu.be/igKO3kebnB0

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Book of Secrets

I am walking down Mill Avenue.
Northbound.

It's a busy night, crowded.

College students in their prime.
Young and beautiful.
Out for a night on the town.

I see him.
A random stranger, a young man, alone.

"For $5 I'll show you a magic trick that I can guarantee you've never seen before." I say.

It takes some internal process or convincing, I can tell, but reluctantly, he agrees. 
He extends to me $5.

I decline and tell him to wait until after the magic happens to see if he felt it was worth his money.

As he watches, slowly, deliberately,  I pull out two knives. After I open them and show him they are real I put them up to my wrists.

In one swift movement I slam them both through my wrists at the same time and then show him each wrist to examine them for himself.

Handle on one side, blades on the other and yet no blood.

Unphased, unimpressed, he smugly tells me

That's not magic and in fact I have seen that before.

As he speaks,  I remove the knives from my wrists, blood begins flow mercilessly.

I respond.

You should wait before you speak.
That wasn't the end, that's wasn't the magic.
The real magic is happening right now
what you've never seen before, and what no one sees except me, is my whole life disappearing before your very eyes.

Stunned and staring now he looks at me.
Without a word, I begin to walk away from him, calmly.
Northbound still, unphased, unaffected and still without that five dollars.

Blood flowing freely from my wrists, calmly I walk.
Blood marking the path behind me, on either side of me.

A few people notice...
but no one stops me...
They stare.
They talk.
But that's it.

And the dream ends.
Night after night.

Over and over...

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Monday, September 15, 2014

Floating, adrift in a peaceful sea
Rescued by a sinking ship

In Spite of Me

For Paige

Last night I told a stranger all about you
They smiled patienty in disbelief
I always knew you would succeed no matter what you tried
And I know you did it all in spite of me

Still I'm proud to have known you for the short time that I did
So glad to have been a step up on your way
So glad to be a part of your illustrious career
And I know you did it all in spite of me
In spite of me
Mmm

Late last night I saw you in my living room
You seemed so close but yet so cold
For a long time I thought you'd be coming back to me
Those kind of thoughts can be so cruel
So cruel

Late last night I saw you in my living room
You seemed so close and yet so cold
For a long time I thought you'd be coming back to me
Those thoughts can be so cruel

And I know you did it all in spite of me
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
Mmm
In spite of me
Mmm
Mmm
In spite of me

Friday, September 12, 2014

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Crazy

The mere comprehension of certain mental processes says a good deal about those who may see the logic therein... and not usually good.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Truth About Lies

Sometimes you have to lie just to make it happen,  to prove it actually can be done... it's just how it goes & sometimes it's worth it.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

There are two types of people to be feared, those who have nothing to lose and those who have everything to lose.

Lyrics to a song that was never written


You couldn't possibly
comprehend 
If you could
you'd never admit it
Because secretly
Deep down
You desperately wish
You didn't

Most people are a small shiny mirror surrounded by a huge chunk of shit.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Under Mine

In the moment that you need most to be trusted and believed in, you will regret every previous decision you've made to undermine that.