Falls, Leaves

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

A question that should not leave any question about the self important role humanity plays in creation.

All of my love

You take away my hands and think I refuse to tie your shoes

You take away my eyes and think that I can't still see you

You take out my heart and squeeze and think that I won't live

But don't think you're taking everything I choose to give

Mud Balloons

If helium filled balloons were​ to represent the good in life, and mud the bad, then my life would be balloons as far as the eye could see.

You wouldn't even notice the mud until you were sinking hopelessly deeper into it.

A better version

A lot of people in the pillow industry are real downers.

Not a Real Green Dress

Sofia: I wish we had million dollars so we could buy the stuff we need.

Me: Me too buddy, me too.

aTTic

Play Ping Pong... if you've got the balls for it.

Just Like my Dear Papa

A person who cuts down trees in their sleep is a slumber jack.

Greece is the Word

Mad magazine made a very lasting image on me when I was a kid with a comic featuring Olivia Neutron Bomb and John Revolting.

That's really all I remember about it, but that was enough.

Me My Mind

Once you've figured out all the answers, be sure to share them as a meme.

Bloody Mary Three Times Fast

I wish that saying "Bloody Mary" into a dimly lit mirror was all that was required to receive a Bloody Mary.

Band Joe

Listen to your inner banjo.

Drill Press Operator

Now that's a boring job.

The Pillow Case

There's a high suicide rate among pillow factory workers.

Turns out many of the jobs are real downers.

What's Up

I started reading a physics book about gravity but I couldn't finish it.

It was a real downer.

Get Up Stand Up

Stand up for your right to be complacent...or don't, whatever.

.25

No money for a pay stall?
Urine denial.

De Nile

You're in denial...
The safest unfounded accusation you can make.

I'm Not Bacon This Up

In the rainforests of South America there is an area with an abundance of wild pigs.

Locals call it the Hamazon.

Sic Sick Sicks

I'm really sick of people calling me a hypochondriac.

The Bitchin' 114

I just rescued a foxy bitch.

Well to be fair, the dog's name was Foxy.

...and honestly, it wasn't really a rescue as much as a phone call and a brief walk.

Mostly I just wanted to say I was with a foxy bitch tonight.

Innocents Tossed

"Of course you say you're innocent,that's what guilty people always say!"

My "neighbor" (who proudly proclaimed to work in a legal office, though in what capacity was never mentioned) literally said this to me after I  denied her accusation of driving around and tossing cats out of my car!

You can't argue with logic like that.

American Whore Story

If a sex trade workers union were  formed I guess you'd call that whoreganized labor.

O & I

On is not difficult.
On is easy.
That is until it follows an extended Off.
Then On may prove difficult if not impossible.

House That Joke For You?

At a party one night, a guy met a banker and asked ,"How much money does it take to build a house?"

Later that night he met a real estate agent and asked, "How much land does it take to build a house?"

The both gave him the same response...

"A lot."

Back in the Saddle

A famous Obstetrician once said that their key to success was to use humor to help in making their clients comfortable.

When asked to explain just how that worked, they replied by saying that it was, "all in the delivery".

Standing in the Punchline

My wife thinks I put too much emphasis on sex, so I'm going start putting more emphasis on please and see how that goes.

Impo_tent

Perhaps it as important as you think it to be or perhaps it is only important because you think it to be.

Alone Again Naturally

Food produced organically doesn't occur organically.

You must pull the weeds before you can plow the soil.

What is natural may or may not come naturally, but rarely does it come in life sustaining quantities, without at least some, if not great, effort.

Won By One

I don't seek anything that has been lost.

Struggling to regain the past is regression.

It is a longing for what may never have actually been.

What I seek is what I have yet to find, or what has yet to find me.

The past is a lie, and cannot be the compass by which we navigate our future.

Let the wreckage remain, in all of its ugliness.

Let it serve as reminder of where we have been, and a warning should we find ourselves wandering back again.

It is time to stop looking for what is lost in places it will never be found, in the comfort of our dysfunction.

It is time to start looking for what may be found in places we have yet to discover for fear of the unfamiliar.

100 Days of Rejection

https://youtu.be/-vZXgApsPCQ

Hell Oh

Who would ever need to ask for help if we would only value morals over money, ethics over ego, and people over profit.

_rust

If there is no room for trust in business, there can only be room for integrity.

The Real Sounds of Silence

You do not suffer in silence if you don't also forgive in silence.

Failing that much, you are simply storing up the ammunition of the past to be used as weapon of the future, because eventually silence will not be an option.

The object of your frustration will be forced to reckon, by sheer recall, a myriad of smaller problems, rolled into one unresolvable one, when it is most likely that simply addressing one issue, at the time of occurrence, might have sufficed to avoid every following offense.

I caught my kid smoking pot....

This is probably one of the most common scenarios I talk about with other parents.

So, what do you do?  I don't know what you should do, but I can tell you what I've found over time.

The first thing to look at is what kind of relationship you have with your kid. I would consider:

Do they respect your aurhority?
Do you have a relationship that allows you to engage in an open dialog?
Does you kid see you as a person of integrity?
A person who can be painfully honest about yourself in order to relate to them.
Does your kid value your opinion?
Does you value your kid's opinion?
Are you relatable?
Compassionate?
Judgememtal?
Or are you some iconic distant authority that's put of touch with their world, experiences and feelings?

Don't get defensive.
Don't give explanations.
Consider these questions from the perspective of a kid, your kid.

Even if they do care they certainly can't understand all the complexities of life you balance in order to provide for them, and honestly they shouldn't have to on a certain level. They are after all kids.
Parents are just people, and I think we all do the best we can at any given time so just be honest and think about yourself the way they seem to think of you.

Bee Tit

I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore, but I know where I haven't found it.

Hay U

There's no grass in a hay field and no hay in a grass field, but cows eat them both.
I guess they were destined to meat at some point.

Drown Me Out

You cast me out to sea
You make me walk the plank
And when I am almost overcome by the waves
You pull me back in
Neither thanks or apology do I extend
And so it goes again
Over
And over
Until it is over

Ornithologists always refer to themselves in the bird person

We

Oh, You and I?
Oui

Crazy

Young ladies having babies
While the dad is acting cagey
She wants a commitment
But she settles for a maybe

Listen Together

Listen ToGetHer

What People Really Think

Want to know how people really view you?
Listen to them.
Watch how their inclusion and exclusion changes during the course of their dialogue.
Watch how "we" and "I" are used.
We do this, but I do that...when I do this and we do that.
Through their inconsistency, you'll learn just how fucked up things might really be.
Just saying, I sure as fuck have been noticing it lately.

Life Sentences

I have committed to a lifetime.
I have not committed to the length of that lifetime.

No "I" in "TEAM"

But, there is an "I" in "QUIT" and it's just after "U".

There's no "U" and "I" in "LOVE".

You could say," I'll be okay" without "U".

And Ore

Between suffering and sacrifice, efforts and energies, the atrributions must be inclusive or exclusive.
It must be one or the other, but it cannot be one and the other.

Eight Days A Weak

I'm going to make a plan.
A plan to have one day a week that isn't totally dominated by the aftermath of tragedy, where for the sake of others I smile and say,"It's okay, everything will be just fine."
It has to work, or I don't know what will happen, but nothing good at this pace.
My heart and mind are wearing thin and I'm not sure how much more of myself I have left to give.