Anthropology

An apology for an historically proven inability to throw a ball properly.

Someday

Someday I will be as important as a television show. Someday.

Is tonight the night?
I guess we'll know in the morning.

If what you're saying is being heard, then you aren't saying it loud enough.

Falls, Leaves

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

A question that should not leave any question about the self important role humanity plays in creation.

All of my love

You take away my hands and think I refuse to tie your shoes

You take away my eyes and think that I can't still see you

You take out my heart and squeeze and think that I won't live

But don't think you're taking everything I choose to give

Mud Balloons

If helium filled balloons were​ to represent the good in life, and mud the bad, then my life would be balloons as far as the eye could see.

You wouldn't even notice the mud until you were sinking hopelessly deeper into it.

A better version

A lot of people in the pillow industry are real downers.

Not a Real Green Dress

Sofia: I wish we had million dollars so we could buy the stuff we need.

Me: Me too buddy, me too.

aTTic

Play Ping Pong... if you've got the balls for it.

Just Like my Dear Papa

A person who cuts down trees in their sleep is a slumber jack.

Greece is the Word

Mad magazine made a very lasting image on me when I was a kid with a comic featuring Olivia Neutron Bomb and John Revolting.

That's really all I remember about it, but that was enough.

Me My Mind

Once you've figured out all the answers, be sure to share them as a meme.

Bloody Mary Three Times Fast

I wish that saying "Bloody Mary" into a dimly lit mirror was all that was required to receive a Bloody Mary.

Band Joe

Listen to your inner banjo.

Drill Press Operator

Now that's a boring job.

The Pillow Case

There's a high suicide rate among pillow factory workers.

Turns out many of the jobs are real downers.

What's Up

I started reading a physics book about gravity but I couldn't finish it.

It was a real downer.

Get Up Stand Up

Stand up for your right to be complacent...or don't, whatever.