When you are the source of so much discontent and suffering for those whom you wish only the best.
When you give everything of yourself, including your hopes and dreams, to be more and provide more, only to realize even your best efforts could never satisfy the need for more.
When the one you desire most has made it abundantly clear that you are the one they desire least and they have become untouchable.
When you are the subject of shame and ridicule to the ones you love, as they laugh behind your back.
When you once believed you could and would do everything for those around and they leave you feeling like you can't do anything at all.
When you cannot give enough.
When you cannot be enough.
When your presence is irrelevant and unwelcome.
When at last all hope subsides and you are finally forced to accept that failing will only ever be what you can succeed at.
It is then, in that moment you begin to explore avenues and options you might never before have considered.
If failure is the best and worst you can do what have you to lose?
Nothing you haven't already.
When you reach that point of desperation when you simply need to know that all hopelessness will one day end, the misery of those around you and you at its source...
That is when the life stealing smoke filling your lungs with slow certain death will remind you, this is not forever, only for now.
Nobody smokes because everything is awesome.
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