I'd like to wake up one day and feel like I didn't need to bear the burden of being myself. I've come to far too many self-realizations and the destruction it has had on my relationships. Granted most all of it stems from childhood but that actually makes it worse somehow, because I'm 53 and I'm still controlled by my fears and insecurities. I make extreme assumptions in my logic, and spiral downward rapidly. Then I react as though my thoughts were the reality, when the truth of the matter is I'm so close to everything I've ever wanted that I can touch it, but I can't have it. That much is out my control. I would never devalue it it by asking for it, but I would love to not feel alone. I'd love to feel like one day I won't feel like a total piece of shit anymore. Like everything might be okay.
I'm pretty fucked up and have been this whole year with overwhelming introspection and plenty of supporting evidence about the reality of my life and what I've made it for lack of understanding what love looks like in a relationship.
I'll stop. Sorry.
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You know you want to, so say it already...no one's going to be offended.